BaByTaLk
by Miss Peeps
Summary: Duo and Hilde's radio station is giving out two tickets to Hawaii to girl who can get her boyfriend or husband to talk babytalk to her on the radio. oneshot


AN: Tee hee hee...

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B_a**b**_**Y_-_**t_A_**l_K_**

"Hey! It's eight o'clock, you're on your way to work, listening to 92.4-MY-BABE radio station. Wishing you a good morning. This is Duo," announced the radio.

"And Hilde." Piped up a second voice, "You know, we've got two first class tickets to Hawaii to give out." She announced.

"That and a week's stay in a luxury hotel," Duo added, "On a beach. Tickets to a Lual, a fancy romantic dinner in the sunset, scuba diving, fishing, surfing lessons... Hilde, why are we giving these away?"

"Oh, come on Duo. It's our job."

"Yeah... But, I mean, wouldn't it be fun if we went to Hawaii, I mean we could..." prompted Duo.

"Get your head out of the gutter. Besides, I've got a great idea on how to give 'em away. Came to me last night, remember what you said?"

"Hmmm..." Duo thought, "Let's go to McDonald's?"

"No."

"I think Heero's constipated?"

"..._Noooo_..."

"Wanna take a shower with me?"

"**NO!**"

"Then what?"

"Hilde-poo," she explained as if this was obvious, "Baby talk."

"You told me never to call you that again."

"That's besides the point! Well, anyways, I think it would be funny if we could get girls to call up their boyfriends or husbands and get them to talk baby talk to them."

"...That's ingenious..."

"But they can't say the word, 'baby-talk' or tell them to baby-talk to them. Also, they only have 30 seconds."

"Ha! Sounds like an idea. Alright girls, the number's 4-MY-BABE, that's 469-2223, 4-MY-BABE."

Duo and Hilde put on music. After the song, they came back on.

"Hey, we've got an old friend on the line, this is Dorothy," said Hilde.

"Old friend my foot..." muttered Duo. "So Dorothy, you know the rule."

"Of course," she replied.

"Alright, so who do you wanna call?"

"Quatre; I bet I can get him to baby talk."

Duo and Hilde cracked up laughing. "Quatre!" exclaimed Duo. "I bet he would. I'll call him. Once he picks up you have thirty seconds."

Dorothy chuckled.

Duo typed in the number from memory. The phone was heard ringing and the station was silent. Someone answered.

"Hello?" asked Quatre.

Hilde started the clock.

"Quatre! How's my baby?"

"Hmm? Dorothy?"

"Who ewsle, Siwwy?" she asked.

"I've got a ton of work to do, I promise later..."

"I wuv voou, Quatwa," Dorothy cut him off.

"Dorothy, are you feeling ok?"

"Yes, but I'm wonwy."

"I'm sorry, but I've got a conference in a minute..."

"Do you wuv me, Quatwa?"

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I need smoochies," Dorothy declared.

"You want me to come home during lunch?"

"No. I need smoochies now."

"I'm busy, and you know you're talking rather loudly, I think that my secretary can hear everything you say."

"Then sent her out," commanded Dorothy, annoyed. "I want smoochies."

"I've told you, I promise later, but I'm really, really busy."

"Quatwa, Pwease? I wanna hear..."

"Oh, times up!" exclaimed Hilde.

"What?" asked Quatre.

"Quatre, you don't need to be worrying about your secretary, you're on the radio," informed Duo.

"The Radio!"

"Yeah, Dorothy's was trying to get you to talk baby talk to win a trip for two to Hawaii."

"If you wanted to got to Hawaii, you could have asked," Quatre said.

Dorothy sighed. "I didn't want a trip to Hawaii; I wanted to embarrass you on the radio."

"..."

"Well, that's very interesting, we'll let you two sort that one our, we've got someone else on the line," informed Hilde.

"Have a good day." Said Duo, and hung up.

Hilde pressed the button to take the next person off hold.

"Hey! You're on air."

"Hi."

"Hey. So who's this?" asked Hilde.

"Catherine."

"I knew that voice sounded familiar." Concluded Duo, "Well, it certainly seems odd that everyone we know is calling. So who do you think will baby talk?"

"Trowa, he talks baby talk to the animals all the time."

"Go for it." Said Duo.

Hilde punched in his number. "Thirty seconds as soon as he picks up."

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Trowa. It's Catherine."

"Hi."

"Meow." She said.

"...what?" asked Trowa.

"Meow." She insisted.

There was another awkward pause. "What? Meow?"

"Yes, meow," Catherine confirmed.

"Ok..." said Trowa confused. "Meow?"

"...Meow..."

"Meow."

"Woof." Catherine tried.

"Woof." repeated Trowa.

"Nay."

"Nay."

"Meow."

"Catherine, what's going on?"

"Meow."

"Meow, meow, woof, woof, nay, tweet, chirp, hee-haw. Why are we talking in animal noises?"

"Time's up!" exclaimed Duo. "I'm sorry, Catherine, but as funny as that was, I'd have to say that animal talk does not count as baby talk."

"What? What's going on?"

"You're on the radio!" informed Hilde. "Catherine was trying to win you two a trip to Hawaii by getting you to baby talk."

"Sorry." Added Duo. "Animal talk was supposed to be for the snow-mobile give away coming up next week. It can't get you to Hawaii, thou."

"You know, Duo, I think those tow need some 4-MY-BABE T-shirts for an entertaining performance."

"Darn." Hissed Catherine.

"On the radio?" asked Trowa, just now recovering from the shock.

"Yes. I know, big surprise, huh?"

"We'll hook you two up with some t-shirts, but we've got someone else on hold. Talk to you later."

"Hello, you're on air," informed Duo to the next person.

"Good morning."

"Same to you and who is this?"

"Noin."

"... I'm starting to wander if the only people who listen to this station in the morning are the people who I know."

"Oh, of course not. No one else thinks that they can get someone they know to baby talk."

"So what about you?" asked Hilde.

"Zechs will," announced Noin.

"Well, so far, no one's baby talked besides Dorothy. Trowa apparently talks in animal language thou... And you think you can get Zechs to talk baby talk?" asked Duo.

"Oh yeah." Replied Noin.

"I'm in doubt..." said Duo.

"I'll call him! You've got thirty seconds." informed Hilde.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello?" a dark voice answered.

"Hey, Zechs, it's me." Said Noin, somewhat... err... seductively.

"...Who is this?" asked Zechs.

"It's me."

"You must have the wrong number."

"No I don't, this is you're wife."

"This is not my wife's number."

"Don't you recognize my voice?"

Click. Dial Tone.

There was a short pause.

"So much for that," said Hilde.

"Heh. Yeah really," said Duo.

"Sorry Noin."

"Oh, it's nothing, I'll let you guys continue your show, I'm going to go talk to my husband."

"Alright, bye."

Noin hung up.

"Is there anyone else on the line?" asked Duo.

"Yup. Two more."

"Put one on," he said.

"Hey, you're on air. Who's this."

"Sally Poe."

"Now I'm starting to agree with you Duo, this is a bit odd."

"I agree... Oh well. So, Sally, who do you think you can make baby talk?"

"Wufie talks baby talk."

"You sure?" asked Hilde.

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't have called."

"Alright then, I'll call him. You have thirty seconds."

The phone rang. Wufie answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Wufie-kun..."

"Sally!" he said brightly, "I was meaning to call you. I was planning something tonight, but I think Duo and Hilde raided our cabinet when they came over last week and stole the last of our condoms. Could you pick some up on your way home?"

"..."

"Sally? You there?"

"...sure. I'll be sure to do that."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Eh..."

"Time's up." Informed Duo.

"Oooo," hissed, Hilde, "that's got to throw you off thought, just having him spurt out that comment."

"What?" asked Wufie, confused.

"You're on the radio. Sally was going to try to get you to baby-talk to win a trip for two to Hawaii, but I think you knocked her off track."

"On the radio?" asked Wufie, sounding like he was about to die.

"Yup, Sorry, guys, but you didn't get the trip. We've got one more person on hold. Maybe they'll get some baby talk out of their partner."

"Bye," said Hilde and hung up.

"Hello, you're on the air."

"Hello, this is Relena."

"Hey Relena, how ya been? Listen, we're doing a show right now to get people to baby talk..."

"I know," she replied. "I know it would take me less than ten seconds to get Heero to baby talk."

"Ha!" laughed Duo.

"Well, Relena..." said Hilde. "This seems more bizarre than anything we've gotten so far."

"So far, Quatre's busy, Trowa talks animal talk, Zechs doesn't recognize Noin's voice, and Wufie wants Sally to go pick up some condoms for tonight. I think the only thing that would make me laugh more than that combination is if Heero would talk baby talk."

"I know he will," said Relena.

"Should we give it a shot?" asked Hilde.

"Yeah. Call him."

Hilde pushed in the number.

Ring

Ring

Ring

"Yuy."

"Heewo! It's Rewena."

What Duo and Hilde heard next threw them into shock.

"My pwetty pwetty Rewena?"

"U-huh. Do vou wuv me?"

"A bunchi bunchi."

Suddenly, there came a sound from the phone similar to the noise you get when your computer dials the internet.

"Wow. Congratulations, that clearly gets you two the trip to Hawaii..." said Duo, awestruck.

"Heero?" asked Relena.

No response.

"Heero?" she tried again.

"Where'd he go?" asked Hilde.

"He must have already traced the call! I meant for him to find out it was a radio station before he did, but he's faster than I thought."

"Why would he trace the call?" asked Duo.

"Baby talk was our decided code-distress message."

"And so now he traced the call and is coming to save you?"

"Right."

"This isn't good," said Duo.

"Surely, we can just explain it to him when he gets here," said Hilde.

"Heero doesn't think that way, Hilde-poo."

"I told you never to call me that again!"

"HOLY COW! HE'S A LOT FASTER THAN I THOUGHT, TOO!" exclaimed Duo, pointing out the window. There, getting out of his car, was the unmistakable Heero Yuy. And he looked mad."GET DOWN!" Duo yelled.

BANG!

The window shattered as a bullet sped over the heads of the broadcasters. Next, the door was kicked open as if it was held closed by duct tape. Ok, so maybe it was...

"Where's Relena?" demanded Heero.

"She's not here!" exclaimed Duo.

Heero cocked his gun. "Where's Relena?" he asked again.

"I dunno! Ask her, she's on air."

"Huh? On air?"

"Hello Heero," said Relena through the speaker.

"Relena, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Why were you talking in distress code?"

"I called you from a radio station, they're giving out a weekend in Hawaii for a couple. To get it, the girl has to get the guy to baby talk."

"...oh." said Heero.

"Yeah, oh. You've won you're trip to Hawaii, can you put the gun down?" asked Duo.

Heero clicked the safety on and let it hand at his side. "So we won a trip to Hawaii?"

"Yeah, you did. Scared the crud out of me, too. But it's worth it. While you're in Hawaii, Hilde and I can listen to those calls all over again."

"Are you going to do it again?"

"Yeah!" said Hilde. "Next week it's animal talk."

**THE END

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Catherine: Meow

Trowa: ok. Goo-goo gaa-gaa.

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**AN: REVIEW!**


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